Some Kind of Sick Joke
by Killuka
Summary: Death itself was never an obstacle for him - it always somehow turned out alright. So why now...? This has got to be some kind of sick, twisted joke, right?


Hope you enjoy this _very_ short one shot. Trying to aim for the feels, but I still have a lot to learn when it comes to emotional situations in writing. Don't feel obligated to write a nice review - any ideas for changes that will better the story are welcomed.

**Disclaimer: **As much as I'd love to, I do not own Hunter x Hunter or the characters produced from the series.

* * *

_His friend's laughter rang into the air, a nostalgic sound for the silver-haired boy. That laughter followed him for two years, and yet each time he heard it that same chill still crept down his spine. _

"Hey, Killua?"_ his black haired friend turned to him, a thoughtful look on his face. _

"What is it?"_ the boy next to him looked his way, curiosity latched onto his words. _

"If you could be born again, who would you want to be?"

_Killua's gaze reached the sky as he pondered for a moment._ "Who would you want to be?"

"I would want to be myself, so that I could meet you all over again."_ Gon turned towards him again, a wide grin gracing his features. _

_This time, Killua didn't turn beet red. He didn't feel that embarrassment that would cling to him before, every time Gon made an innocent comment. This time, the only thing he felt was an empty sadness. _

"Why would you want to meet me again?" _his face hung down, unable to meet his friends eyes. The scenario was different from the first time they had this conversation, but Killua felt an intense need to ask while he still had the chance. _

"Because I'm happy when I'm with you. There aren't many kids my age on this island, so you're my first real friend. Don't you think it's fun to be with me, too?" _the silver haired boy couldn't stand the feeling of his friends eyes on him. _

"Gon..."_ his voice trailed off as he thought of what he should say. There were so many things he wanted to tell the other boy, but none of them could reach his lips._ "Yeah. It's always been fun to be around you."

_The hazel eyed boy turned his head towards the stars, a satisfied smile on his face. _"Then stay with me. We'll go on adventures together. I'll be looking for my dad, and you'll be looking for what you want to do."

_The boy next to him could only weakly smile at this. What I want to do? Gon, if only I'd realized then what it was that I wanted to do. I would have grasped onto the fact that all I've ever wanted was to be by your side. _

_Darkness enveloped the two as the scene began to change. The spiky haired boy's back was now facing him, and the distance between them seemed to stretch endlessly on an empty canvas. He watched as his friend began to walk forward, leaving him behind. _"Hey, Gon, wait up!"_ his voice echoed throughout the darkness, but the only response he received was his friends retreating back. _"Gon! I said to wait for me! Don't leave!"

_The brown eyed boy turned towards him, that familiar bright smile on his face._ "I'm going now, Killua. Maybe we'll see each other again soon!"_ and with that, he was met with his back once again. Sweat began to bead down the blue eyed boy's face as he tried desperately to catch up to his friend. _"You can't! Don't leave me all alone again!"_ he ran and ran, but the distance only seemed to grow further apart. His legs began to become numb as he crashed to the ground, and he was only able to watch as his friend continued to walk away. _"You can't! Don't leave..."

Killua shot up in bed, gasps and pants escaping his lips as he realized he was lying in a pool of his sweat. He brought his hands to his face as his knees made contact with his chest. The shaking of his shoulders made it's dreaded return for the twenty third night in a row.

"Why did you have to leave me...?"

* * *

"Look, big brother! I drew you!"_ Alluka shoved a crayon drawing his way, revealing a shaggy haired boy with a funny looking smile on his face. Killua smiled as his hand reached up to pet his siblings hair. _"It's a really nice drawing, Alluka. Can I keep it?_" To this, the younger sibling smiled brightly. That smile reminded him so much of a familiar person._ "Mm-hmm! I'd love for big brother to have it!"

_A vibrating began in the pocket of Killua's shorts. He pulled his hand away from Alluka's hair, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his Beatle cellphone, the device sparking a memory of the times he shared with Gon during the Yorknew Auction. Flicking it open, he could see Leorio's contact details._

"Hello?"_ he answered, happy to talk to his friend that he hadn't seen in a while, but curious as to why he was calling all of a sudden._

"Killua..."_ the older man's voice lacked any sort of the joy that it usually held. Killua began to grow uncomfortably worried. _

"What is it?"_ he knew that his voice was eager, but he couldn't control himself. _

"It's Gon..."_ In the background, Killua could hear the sounds of smashing glass as Leorio yelled at Kurapika to calm down repeatedly. _

"What's wrong with Gon?"_ his voice was just under a shout, and he could feel Alluka's worried gaze on him. _

"He..."_ his broken voice trailed off as he finished his sentence._

_The cellphone dropped out of Killua's hand as the words repeated over and over in his head, not seeming to register completely. The sounds of crashing glass and muffled yelling continued to sound in the background as the call was left without either lines hanging up. _

"Big brother? What is it?"_ the younger sibling peered over at him, trembling in fear. _

_Gon is dead. The words continued to loop in the haunting voice inside of his head, but he couldn't bring himself to believe them. _

_Gon is dead? There's no way Gon is dead. He could never die. Death itself was never an obstacle for him - it always somehow turned out alright for Gon. So why now...?_

_This has got to be some kind of sick, twisted joke, right? They're just trying to get me to come back and visit. I'll go see them, and Gon will greet me with his annoying smile as usual. Gon was alive._

* * *

Killua's head turned towards the window as he looked at the night sky. It was under that very same sky that him and Gon agreed to travel together until their eventual departure. His hands clumsily tore the bed sheets away as his feet hit the cold ground. He couldn't feel the chills of the room. He couldn't feel anything.

His fists made contact with the walls yet again, a series of holes from other nights left where blue paint once existed. Now, all that was left in it's wake was a heap of drywall on the bedroom's floor.

He had tried so hard to keep conscious when the sun went down, but he lost to slumber each and every time.  
Killua could feel his sanity slowly slipping away with each nightmare. His fists continued to pound on the wall as blood trickled down his knuckles. The pain was no longer noticeable - he truly could not feel a thing.

"Killua, what are you doing?" a curious voice came from behind him, and he froze in fear as his senses came back to him. He couldn't tell what was more prominent at the moment — the loud thumping of his heart or his bruised, and most likely broken, knuckles.

Ignore it. It isn't real. You're just imagining things. Gon isn't alive, he hasn't been for the past three weeks.

"Hey, Killua? Are you listening to me?" the voice came again, and the strong urge to run away overcame him. No voice could be made from his lips.

"Killua! Are you ignoring me?" he felt a rough grip on his shoulders as he was pulled to face the thirteen year old boy. His eyes widened at the sight as the back of his eyes began to burn.

"Are you crying? What's wrong, Killua?" Gon asked worriedly.

He didn't care if it was out of character of him to act this way. Killua's hands wrapped around his friend tightly as the tears continued to run down his cheeks.

"I knew it. I knew that you weren't dead. I knew it, I knew it. "

Of course, it had always been a lie. A sick joke. Gon wouldn't die, Gon was alive and well. He had the living proof right here.

* * *

The door to Killua's room creaked open as Leorio and Kurapika peeked inside. They could see a laughing Killua sitting on the ground, a game board set out in front of him.

Killua's head snapped to the side with a huge smile, revealing all of his teeth. "Oh, you guys are here! Guess what, you won't believe it! Gon isn't dead! The doctors were only joking!" he gestured to the empty space in front of him, sparking suspicion between them.

Leorio and Kurapika exchanged worried glances as they began to cautiously approach Killua.

"What are you talking about?"

To this, Killua could only look at them as if they were insane. "Are you blind? He's right here."

Kurapika leaned over the silver haired boy, taking a look at the game board. "What are you doing?"

"I'm playing with Gon. C'mon, it's your turn, Gon." he reached over to the other side of the board, moving the opposite teams piece. "Heh, nice move, but I can do better!" he challenged the air, as he moved a piece on his own side. The realization sunk in as the other two realized what was happening.

There was another brief exchange between the two older boys before they began quietly conversing.

"He's hallucinating."

"He's trying to convince himself..."

"Maybe it's for the best that we leave it this way."

"I can't stand seeing him this way, though..."

Killua pushed the game board aside, climbing to his feet as he looked at the other two angrily. "What are they talking about, Gon? Never mind, forget it. Let's go."

He began to make his way towards the room's door, pulling it open before speaking the last words that were audible to the two adolescents' ears.

"What kind of adventure do you want to go on next?"

* * *

_"Maybe it's for the best..."_


End file.
